Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
