I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize