but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
