eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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