Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
