I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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