The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize