I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
