So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
