You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
are you so shy because you have an std?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
