summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
