Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
