I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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