adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
