im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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