Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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