Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Randomize
