i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
