Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
