my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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