why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
