First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
