Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
