hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
