is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize