I was born with a shot glass in my hand
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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