toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
