if you like me you must not know who I am
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
