i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
