What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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