Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
