are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
