and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
