well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
