I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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