just tell him i said nine months
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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