There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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