you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize