I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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