Nicole vs. Life
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
