I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
