I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
