Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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