I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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