Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize