so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
