Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
