Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
