well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
