R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
