had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
