this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
