HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize