She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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