dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
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