the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
