I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
