I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
