Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
