4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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