he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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