saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
