I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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