I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize