That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
