Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize