It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
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