I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
