hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
