who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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