I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
