im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize