I am in a vortex of obligation.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
