Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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