Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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