If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
