I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
