Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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