Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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