how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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