Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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