Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
