just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
