we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
