I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
