It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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