i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
