It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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