i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
