so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
