Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
