Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
She announced her abortion via fbk
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
