I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize