and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
We left an ass print on the piano.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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