she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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